Burdens
by MaliceUnchained
Summary: When a young Bajoran officer is thrown into a position she wasn't ready for, she has to overcome her own self-doubt while attempting to lead her crew on a supposedly routine search and rescue mission. Some mild language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first fanfic for STO. Damn, I hate my obsessive personality sometimes...anyway, here it is. Set just after the Vega colony attack that takes place at the start of the Starfleet storyline, it follows my Bajoran officer as she tries to deal with everything that's going on. It's a non-canon plot (ie, not part of the game) but obviously other characters and events mentioned will be.**

 **I do not own Star Trek Online, it is the property of Cryptic Games and Perfect World.**

* * *

Lieutenant Kassai Lydana stood in Captain Taggart's personal quarters - except they were _her_ quarters now, weren't they? - and hunched over the wash basin. She cupped her hands in the cool water, splashing it over her face and hoping that when she opened her eyes things would be different.

She leaned against the basin, taking a deep, shuddering breath and trying to steady her nerves. A ship's captain had to be seen as the calm centre of the bridge, after all, the one who endured when everything else was going to hell.

But then, most ship captains had the advantage of several years of experience, instead of being thrown into a ship's command less than a week out of the academy.

It had been only three days since the events that led to Captain Taggart's death at the hands of the Klingons, that had seen Lydana thrust into a position she was woefully under-prepared for. She'd destroyed a handful of Klingon ships, saved another Starfleet ship from destruction, destroyed a Borg cube and saved Vega colony from total assimilation. Upon returning to the Earth Spacedock, reports from Captains Yim and Vo'lok had persuaded Admiral Quinn to make her field promotion official, and to give her permanent command of the USS _Steadfast_ , and in that moment Lydana had felt the pressure of command like the weight of a star, bearing down on her and almost causing her to have a panic attack right there in the Admiral's office.

That, at least, had waited until she was back on board the relatively tiny _Miranda_ -class, and she'd gone to Capt- _her_ quarters to gather her thoughts.

Finally she raised her eyes to the mirror, meeting her own gaze as if she could stare into her own soul through her reflection. Not that she fancied such introspection, but she had to know if she had what it took to command a starship. Even a _Miranda_ -class had two hundred crew on board, two hundred lives that were now hers to command - and to bear responsibility for.

That thought caused her to start hyperventilating again, and she took another deep breath and held it for a moment.

It wasn't like she didn't _want_ a command - she longed to captain something modest, like an _Intrepid_ \- or _Nova_ -class science vessel, but preferably after she'd actually had the experience and training that went hand-in-hand with the duties of command.

She released the pent-up breath at last, pulling her long, russet hair back behind her ears but letting it hang freely over her shoulders. Perhaps a bit longer than regulations allowed, but T'Vrell never had any issues with the length of _her_ hair, so Lydana reasoned she could get away with it. She toyed with the gold-coloured clasp that gripped her earlobe, wondering not for the first time if the Prophets truly were watching over her and her people. She hoped so - _someone_ had to look after her parents if she was killed in action, even if they didn't approve of her joining Starfleet.

A voice from the internal comm system broke her thoughts, bringing her out of her miserable reverie, a fact for which she was grateful.

 _"Flores to the captain,"_ her first officer stated, and Lydana rolled her eyes.

"Don't call me that, Elisa," Lydana responded, her voice still trembling as she fought to control her own unease. She cleared her throat before continuing, attempting to sound more calm and controlled than she felt. "What is it?"

 _Better,_ she thought, _it'll do for now._

"We've got an incoming transmission from Admiral Quinn. Should I route it to your quarters?"

"Please, Elisa. Thank you."

Lydana dried her face and crossed the large room, the room which felt far too big for her, and settled in to the chair at Capt- _her_ desk. She keyed the small terminal live, and at once the screen was lit with the greyish face of Admiral Quinn.

Lydana liked Quinn, and respected him a great deal, but she always thought he looked ill. Maybe it was a side effect of his office lighting, or maybe because he was a Trill, but either way he never looked as healthy as she thought he should.

"Good afternoon, Admiral," the young Lieutenant said, attempting to put on a brave face for the Admiral's sake. "What can I do for you, sir?"

 _"I know you're still settling in and trying to get your head straight, Lieutenant, but we need you out there, where your skill can be put to use,"_ the Admiral stated, and Lydana suppressed the urge to scoff. Skill? She got lucky, at best. Half of her recent 'accomplishments' had been bought with the assistance of vastly more qualified captains than her, and the other half had been bought with Captain Taggart's blood. It was his last order that crippled a Klingon bird of prey, his last instruction that originally put her in command of the _Steadfast_. Her 'skill' barely entered into it.

"What do you need of me, sir?" Lydana asked politely, burying her self-doubts as far down as she could.

 _"One of our science vessels, the USS_ DaVinci _, has failed to report in. It had been on a routine mission, nothing out of the ordinary, so there's no reason for her to have been lost. I need you to head to her last known position, find out what you can about the matter and if possible, bring her home."_

"You suspect foul play sir?"

The admiral scratched his neatly-trimmed white beard in thought, clearly disturbed by the matter.

 _"I hope not, but with this war with the Klingon Empire, the internal conflict between the two Romulan factions and a resurgence in Borg activity, I'm not about to rule anything out,"_ he told her earnestly, and Lydana sighed. She rested her elbow on the arm of the chair, closing her eyes as she rubbed her nose ridges.

"Problem, Lieutenant?"

"With respect, Admiral," Lydana started, opening her eyes and looking at the screen again, "I'm a scientist, not a tactician. How am I supposed to fend off whatever might try to come and steal one of our ships?"

She was treading on thin ice, she knew, but she was also feeling immensely out of her depth. Just what _did_ the Admiral expect her to do, when she barely knew what she was doing herself?

 _"Picard was a scientist. So was Janeway. Look what they accomplished, both of whom had to endure situations that they weren't prepared for. Whatever career track you followed, you are still a_ Starfleet _officer first and foremost, and I expect you to act like it. I legitimised your rank because your actions warranted it, Lieutenant, and I'm clearly not the only one who thinks so. If you do run into trouble, I expect you to do your duty. Understood?"_

Lydana sat silent for a moment, taken back by the sudden stern tirade from Quinn. She was also honoured to be likened to the famous Admiral Janeway, however vague the similarity was. She still doubted her abilities, but she supposed she had to begin somewhere.

She cleared her throat and sat straighter, and gave a curt nod to Quinn.

"Aye sir," she said quietly. "Where are we heading?"

 _"The_ DaVinci _was last spotted near the Acamar system, and there's been a lot of Romulan activity in that area lately. That would be the best place to begin."_

"Very good, sir. We'll set course immediately." Lydana moved to end the transmission, but Quinn's voice stopped her.

 _"And Lydana?"_ She paused at the use of her given name, looking at the Admiral with a questioning expression.

"Sir?"

"I know you can do this. Command is a daunting position, but I have every confidence in you. Quinn, out."

The admiral's face disappeared, the screen lighting with the Starfleet insignia once again, and Lydana heaved another sigh.

 _Nice to know one of us has faith in me,_ she thought, rubbing the ridges of her nose again until she realised she was doing it. It had been a nervous tic of hers practically since she had been old enough to _be_ nervous, and she had hoped Starfleet Academy might work that out of her.

Eventually she pushed herself away from the desk, tapping her comm badge as she exited her quarters and strode for the nearest turbolift.

"Kassai to the bridge."

"Flores here."

"Lay in a course for the Acamar system, maximum warp. We're going hunting."

Despite Quinn's pep talk, Lydana still felt unsure of herself, but she focussed on trying to display the kind of confidence and cool-headedness that someone like Janeway would have. If she was going to command the _Steadfast_ , she needed to have the loyalty of its crew. A difficult task, when she'd been promoted ahead of most of them, but she would cross that bridge if it ever arrived.

Until then, she had a science vessel to find, and she was not going to be the one to return to Quinn with _bad_ news.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: No readers yet? Oh well, here's another chapter anyway. I'm writing this for my own amusement until others start reading it too, so it'll be here if you want it!**

 **Of course, if you're reading this one then you've seen the first chapter, so...**

 **Ignore me. It's late and I'm tired. So I'm going to bed, and you can read this. I hope. If so, leave me a review? It helps!**

* * *

Despite travelling at maximum warp, it still took a several hours to even get close to their destination - the _Miranda-_ class ships were much older, and could never manage anything above warp five. That was positively pedestrian, when compared to the warp nine vessels of the modern age, especially now that quantum slipstream and transwarp drives were almost standard fixtures on modern ships.

Eventually they made it into Romulan space, taking care to go around the massive flotilla of ships that served as their current base of operations. As they neared the Acamar system, Lydana gave the order to drop out of warp, and approach under full impulse.

"I want a full sensor sweep of the entire area, T'Vrell," she told her Vulcan classmate and science officer. "If there's anything out there, I want to know about it."

"We certainly have something, sir, but I do not think it is what you want," she responded in her usual clipped tones, and Lydana began kneading her temple with a finger.

"What is it?" she asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer. When the answer _did_ arrive, it came from the tactical station, not T'Vrell.

"Sir, Romulan warbird de-cloaking, forty degrees to port!"

Lydana swore viciously, her heart rate suddenly increasing as she felt another panic attack about to surface. She fought to keep calm, fought to stay collected, and she closed her eyes as she began taking deep, slow breaths.

"It's a _Dhael_ -class," the Tactical officer updated, "it outguns us and is better armoured. We don't want to fight them, Lieutenant."

"Understood, Tactical," Lydana replied impatiently. "Shields up, go to yellow alert."

"They're hailing us," Elisa informed her from her position at Lydana's right - they'd always been close throughout their time at the academy, and Lydana trusted her friend's advice. Besides, she needed _someone_ with tactical expertise at her side, and Flores had aced most of her tactical tests.

"Onscreen," Lydana commanded, still fighting to keep her voice calm and steady, and the main viewscreen lit with the face of a young Romulan woman. Her features were narrow and severe, her dark red hair longer than normal for her race and pulled into a short ponytail. Her grey eyes were fierce and determined, but Lydana also saw compassion in them, and she hoped this encounter would not go as badly as she feared.

"I am Centurion S'Vae of the Romulan Republic Warbird _Leucosia_ ," the woman announced. "State your intentions in this area, Starfleet."

"I am-" Lydana had to pause to clear her throat, trying not to stumble over her words as she stood to deliver the time-honoured greeting of Starfleet captains everywhere. "I am Lieutenant Kassai, of the Federation Starship _Steadfast_ ," she managed at last, "we are investigating the disappearance of one of our science vessels, which was last seen in this region. Would you happen to know anything about it?"

"Are you accusing us, Starfleet?!" the Romulan snapped, and Lydana hurriedly attempted to retract what she had said.

"N-no! Not at all, Centurion, and I apologise for the misunderstanding, I was simply enquiring if you had...if you had seen it, at all, during your routine patrols, or..." Her voice trailed off as she stared at the impassive features of the Romulan captain, until eventually her lips quirked in a half-smile.

"I am no expert in humans," S'Vae began, "but aren't you a little young to be commanding a starship?"

Lydana's cheeks heated at the comment, and she looked down at the floor momentarily.

"It's...a long story, Centurion."

"No doubt," S'Vae answered with a soft chuckle. "I am sorry, I do not believe we have seen your ship, but-"

A comment off to S'Vae's side caused her to turn, and after a moment she turned her attention back to Lydana.

"My science officer tells me that she did detect something that _might_ have been a Federation warp signature as we passed through the area, but it has decayed somewhat. I'll send you all the data she picked up on it, and you can follow it as you see fit."

Lydana heaved a sigh of relief, smiling at the Romulan officer.

"You have my thanks, Centurion, for your assistance," she offered, and she meant it - although, what she had truly meant was _thank you for not blasting us into tiny pieces_ , but she didn't think that would give the right impression.

"Think nothing of it - it is my belief that my superiors are seeking an alliance with your people, so it would not do to begin such negotiations with an apology for destruction of an antique." S'Vae chuckled, a warm, pleasant sounds at odds with a stern appearance. "It has been a pleasure, Lieutenant Kassai. May we meet again some day, and I wish you luck in finding your missing ship."

"And I wish your people luck in finding a new homeworld," Lydana replied. " _Steadfast,_ out."

The transmission ended, the viewscreen showing the starlit void beyond the hull once more, and the pale green form of the _Leucosia_ veered away before cloaking again.

"Stand down yellow alert," Lydana ordered, her voice quivering slightly as she walked back to her chair, fighting to stop her hands from shaking.

"We have their sensor data, sir," T'Vrell stated. "The warp signature does seem to match the profile for an older ship such as the _DaVinci_."

"Where does it lead?"

"Towards the Jouret system, sir."

"Helm, lay in a course," Lydana commanded, still trying to slow her hammering pulse and fighting the nausea that threatened to overwhelm her.

"I'll be in the cap-" That was becoming a bad habit, she knew. Sooner or later she was going to have to realise this was _her_ ship now, _her_ crew. "I'll be in _my_ ready room," she corrected herself, heading for the door that led from the bridge.

* * *

"...so that's where we're at so far, Admiral," Lydana finished, after she'd updated Admiral Quinn on their progress. "We're heading to Jouret now, to see if this warp signature leads to anything."

 _"Good work, Lieutenant,"_ the stone-faced admiral told her. _"I trust the Romulans didn't give you too much hassle?"_

"No sir, the patrol we encountered was quite pleasant, in fact."

 _"Good. I'd hate to have to report any misdeeds when we're trying to form an alliance with them,"_ Quinn replied, and Lydana nodded.

"Yes sir, Centurion S'Vae mentioned something to the same effect."

 _"S'Vae?"_ The admiral frowned, and Lydana's confusion caused her to match the expression.

"Yes sir, do you know her?"

 _"Only by reputation. Her name has crossed my desk once or twice, moreso the desk of Starfleet Intelligence. She's apparently made a name for herself very quickly within the Republic Navy, she'll be one to keep an eye on if this alliance does go ahead."_ He paused for a moment, looking away from the screen in thought, before he brought his attention back to Lydana. _"Anyway, you seem to have everything well in hand at the moment, so I'll let you get back to it. Update me when you have any further information. Quinn, out."_

Lydana groaned as the screen blanked, dropping her head to the desk and wondering how she ended up in this position. Before her thoughts could become too depressing, however, the door chime sounded, and Lydana sat upright again, attempting to look busy.

"Come," she called, and a moment later Elisa sauntered into the ready room.

"Oh, it's you Lise," Lydana muttered, dropping her head back to the desk.

"Hello to you too," Elisa replied drily, before frowning in concern for her friend. "You okay, Lyddie?"

"No," Lydana announced, sitting upright again and running her hands through her hair. "How am I meant to do this, Lise? I'm not a captain! I wasn't even really First Officer, I was just _Acting_ First Officer! _Acting._ A stupid little girl playing pretend, just like my father always said."

Elisa recognised this mood. She had seen it often over the four years they'd spent at the academy together, and it always surfaced when Lydana was feeling low. Given the situation, she couldn't fault Lydana for feeling that way now.

Elisa walked behind the desk, behind Lydana's chair and rested her hands on her friend's shoulders, beginning a gentle massage to ease Lydana's tension.

"You're here because several high-ranking officers have faith in you," Elisa explained. "Captain Taggart, Captains Yim and Vo'Lok, even Admiral Quinn - you wouldn't be here if _he_ didn't believe you were capable."

"But-"

"And if you won't believe _that_ , then maybe you're here because the Prophets placed you here?"

 _Low blow, Lise,_ Lydana thought, enjoying the massage too much to actually voice the objection. _Using my faith to boost my morale._

"I hate it when you make sense," Lydana mumbled, and Elisa patted her shoulders.

"Call it a gift. When was the last time you slept?"

Lydana scoffed.

"Right, because I'm going to sleep _so_ well in these circumstances," she replied scathingly. "I have reports from every department to go through, I have a crew to manage and a ship to ensure doesn't get vapourised. Sleep is something of a luxury, one I can't afford."

"Sleep is a _necessity_ , especially as ship's captain," Elisa corrected. "Have something to eat, then go get some rest. We won't hit Jouret for a good seven hours, at least, you owe it to your crew to approach any problems with a clear and rested mind."

"There you go again," Lydana said with a weary smile. "Fine, I'll eat something in a minute."

Elisa made a small sound that might have been disbelief, and crossed to the ready room's replicator. Being an old ship, the ready room wasn't particularly large, but it served its purpose well enough.

"One plate of Hasperat, one glass of Kava juice," she told the machine, and it bleeped in quiet compliance before the food materialised.

"You'll eat _now_ ," Elisa ordered gently. "As your friend and First Officer, I have a responsibility to _you_ as well as the crew. Eat, drink then sleep."

"Do I need to put down this mutiny before it happens?" Lydana asked with a chuckle, taking a bite of the Bajoran food. She was flattered that Elisa remembered her favourite dish, even if the replicators never made it spicy enough for her liking. She'd once been told that Hasperat was very similar to an Earth food called a _burrito_ , but Lydana had tried those and she was convinced that Earth should give up trying to make Hasperat while it was still behind.

"Want a bit?" Lydana asked, offering the plate towards Elisa, who immediately waved it away.

"No chance! Remember when you first got me to try it? I was in the head so long I nearly missed my Tactical Training final!"

"Not my fault you have a weak stomach," Lydana said with a quiet chuckle, then looked at her friend and smiled. "Thanks for coming to see me, Lise. I feel a bit better now."

"What are friends for...Captain?" Elisa replied, giving her friend a wink as she chuckled at her own humour. "I'll let you know when we hit the Jouret system, but until then, make sure you rest!"

"Yes sir," Lydana answered with a mock salute, and Elisa finally took her leave.

If the Prophets truly existed, than Lydana was thankful to them - for giving her a friend like Elisa Flores. Without the bubbly redhead, Lydana doubted she would even have made it through the first week of Academy, let alone graduate with flying colours.

She finished her meal, downed the glass of Kava juice and recycled the plate and glass, then finally headed for the bridge turbolift, leaving orders with the duty officers to wake her if anything went happened.

She only hoped she would actually be able to sleep.

* * *

 _"Bridge to Lieutenant Kassai."_

The sudden alert caused Lydana to wake up with a start, thumping her head on the low bulkhead above her bed. She swore at the cramped quarters of such an old ship, even in the captain's quarters, and rubbed her head as she replied.

"Go ahead," she told Elisa's disembodied voice, blinking the sleep from her eyes.

 _"We've arrived in the Jouret system, sir. T'Vrell's already detecting something that might be our missing ship."_

"Have you hailed them?"

 _"Still just outside of hailing range, sir. Figured you might want to be on the bridge when we get there."_

Lydana nodded, sliding out of bed and grabbing her uniform skirt.

"Alright Elisa, I'll be there momentarily. Keep scanning the area, I don't want any surprises."

* * *

Lydana made it to the bridge in record time, exiting the turbolift to be greeted with the image of a battered _Oberth_ -class science vessel hanging silently in the void.

"Is that her?" she asked, moving around to the captain's chair but not taking it.

"Yes sir," T'Vrell answered flatly. "That is the science vessel _DaVinci_ , but as of yet we have not determined what happened to it."

"Lifesigns?"

"None that we have been able to locate, sir."

Lydana shook her head as she stared at the stricken ship, lamenting the loss of the collective knowledge of its crew.

"By the Prophets, look at this," she said, pointing at an elongated wound along the edge of its saucer section. "It looks like something... _cut_ into these decks, see?" Looking at the damaged sections, something suddenly occurred to her. "There's no emergency force-fields in place. Has it got any power?"

"Minimal, sir," another of the crew answered, a young Trill woman by the name of Yatsai. "They've got gravity, minimal life support, but that's it."

Lydana stared at the ship for a moment, thinking about various options. She wasn't experienced in this sort of situation, but they needed answers, so...

"Elisa, have Zarva report to transporter room one with an engineering team. T'Vrell, Yatsai, you're with me. We're going over there to find out what happened."

"Lyd-" Elisa caught herself just in time - it wouldn't do to seem overly familiar with the captain in front of the crew. "Lieutenant," she corrected, "are you sure that's a good idea? You _are_ now the captain of the ship, and we have-"

"Elisa," Lydana interrupted, crossing back over to her friend, "you were always better at tactics than me. You _wanted_ Tactical. If anything comes back to finish the _DaVinci_ , or to start on us, I need someone here who knows how to fight. I'm science and medical - my place is over there, trying to figure out who - or what - destroyed that ship."

She patted Elisa's shoulder once, then walked back towards the turbolift. "We'll be back before you know it," she called over her shoulder, as Elisa settled uneasily into the captain's chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: here's chapter 3, for those of you who follow. Which reminds me, thank you very much to those people who _have_ followed, faved and reviewed, it's deeply appreciated and it makes me glad that others enjoy my rambling :) hope you continue to enjoy it, because I know I do.**

 **Thanks again, folks, and please review if you wish.**

* * *

The darkness of the _DaVinci's_ main engineering room was brightened momentarily, as a dozen teleporter beams coalesced into the forms of Lydana and her crew. Almost immediately, T'Vrell and Yatsai pulled out their tricorders and began scanning the area, while Zarva and her engineering team began inspecting the equipment in the room.

"Zarva, see about restoring some power first," Lydana said quietly, as if she was worried about disturbing the dead. "We need to get the emergency force-fields working so we can examine the rest of the ship."

"On it, sir," the Bolian called, already commanding her team towards that goal.

"Then try and get life support back to normal, the air's pretty thin in here," Lydana added, before moving through the gloom and debris to conduct her own scans.

"I'm not picking up any lifesigns," she announced, examining her tricorder's read-out. "Whoever attacked this ship seems to have been pretty thorough."

She stepped over some fallen wiring and technological detritus, making her way over to one of the few consoles that hadn't blown out during the attack. It flickered intermittently, occasionally lighting the gloom with its sputtering display, and Lydana attempted to access its information. It emitted a few grumbling bleeps, before finally dying completely, and the young Lieutenant sighed.

"Zarva, how are we doing with the power?" she called, certain she knew the answer.

"We've only just started, sir," the Bolian shouted back, no doubt already up to her neck in ship's innards. "What I wouldn't give for a ship with bio-neural circuitry right now, instead of...this."

"I love it, myself," Lydana answered, "it has a quirky design and-"

"And it's an antique, like the _Steadfast_ ," Zarva finished, and Lydana chuckled.

"Maybe, but she's _our_ antique." She paused and turned to T'Vrell, who was conducting some scans near the reinforced bulkhead that opened onto the rest of the deck.

"T'Vrell, what's the rest of this deck like? Is it survivable?"

"Affirmative, sir," the Vulcan woman replied, closing her tricorder and turning to Lydana. "Provided we can get this door open without power, of course."

"There should be a manual release near the bulkhead," Yatsai purred, her exotic accent lending her voice a sultry quality. The three of them examined the surrounding wall, until eventually T'Vrell discovered the manual release mechanism. After some effort, the door finally opened part way with a reluctant grinding of actuators, and with some more effort the three women forced the door open wide enough for them to exit the room.

The corridor outside of main engineering wasn't in a better state, if Lydana was being honest. As they explored, the same story was told across the deck - consoles blown out, debris fallen from the ceiling, and the bodies of the crew scattered around the deck.

"Who would do this?" Lydana asked, apropos of nothing. "These ships aren't even heavily armed, they're purely science vessels."

"Not unlike yourself, in that respect," T'Vrell stated, testing a nearby wall console.

"I suppose not," Lydana muttered, and suddenly the few remaining lights in the corridor flickered into weak life.

 _"Zarva to Lieutenant Kassai,"_ her engineer's voice said from her comm-badge, _"we've got limited power back. I can't get any more, there's been too much damage, so I'll have to monitor your progress from here and move the force-fields as you move."_

"Understood Zarva, good work. See what you can find out from the engineering data, we're going to head for the bridge."

"Aye, sir. Zarva out."

"Come on then, ladies," Lydana said, gesturing to her officers. "If we're going to get any answers, they'll be on the bridge."

She led the way to the operational heart of the ship, almost scared of what she was going to find.

* * *

It took far longer than it should have to make their way to the bridge, since they were hampered by having to wait for Zarva to move the force-fields and, as they got closer to the bridge, grievous battle-damage that forced them to take the Jefferies tubes to get around the destroyed sections. Eventually, however, they made it to the bridge, and that was in the worst condition of all.

The immense wound that Lydana had pointed out back on the _Steadfast_ actually cut across the roof of the bridge, and just looking up turned the young Bajoran's stomach - the thought that only a thin field of light and energy was all that stood between her and being sucked into oblivion was nerve-wracking, especially on a ship as badly damaged as the _DaVinci_ was. The main viewscreen was a wreck, nearly all of the consoles had exploded, and the less said about the state of the bridge crew the better.

"Look around, see if you can find anything that might explain what happened here," she ordered, and the other two women did as instructed. Lydana was impressed - T'Vrell had adapted well to being commanded by a classmate, but Yatsai was new to the ship. The Trill woman had been transferred to her crew after they had returned from Vega colony, and had shown no problems with Lydana's leadership - despite the fact that at least one of her previous lives probably had far more experience.

While the Trill busied herself at the helm, trying to see where they had been going to and from, Lydana found a mostly-operational tactical station. She couldn't understand all of what she saw, but it was enough to make her worried. She frowned at some of the data, then tapped her comm-badge.

"Kassai to _Steadfast_."

"Flores here. What is it, captain?"

"I'm sending over some data from the _DaVinci_ 's tactical station, I need you to look it over for me. You can probably make more sense of it than me." She finished typing the commands into the console, and she was rewarded with the display showing an upload in progress.

 _"We've got the data, sir,"_ Flores announced after a moment. _"Am I looking for anything in particular?"_

"Yes, anything that tells us who attacked this ship and why. Kassai, out." She sighed heavily, rubbing her temples with her thumb and forefinger, wondering why this duty had fallen to her. It was a path her mind had taken frequently since she inherited command of the _Steadfast_ , and she didn't expect it to change any time soon.

"Yatsai, anything?" she asked, in an effort to distract herself.

"No sir, nothing out of the ordinary here."

"Lieutenant."

T'Vrell's simple announcement caught Lydana's attention immediately, and she walked over to where the Vulcan woman was scanning the massive scar across the top of the bridge.

"Are you seeing the same readings I am, sir?"

She pulled out her own tricorder and made the same scan, frowning at the data it showed.

"That can't be right," she muttered, typing in a command and scanning again. "How is that possible? And why? _Why_ would this happen?"

"Sir?" Yatsai asked, sensing the rising panic in Lydana's voice. The lieutenant didn't respond, instead hitting her comm-badge and hailing the _Steadfast_ again.

 _"Flores here."_

"We've just done a scan of some of the damage here, and we have a much bigger problem," she told her First Officer. "The energy signatures match up, and I expect you'll find the same - the ship that did this was Federation."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, this is slowly garnering interest, it seems. Which is good, because I can't stop writing it, and it'd be nice to share this story with likeminded people :) Anyway, the story of Lieutenant Kassai Lydana continues. I hope you approve of this addition, and once again, thanks for all the faves, follows and reviews I've received so far. The support is greatly appreciated!**

 **I don't own Star Trek Online.**

* * *

 _"Are you absolutely certain, Lieutenant?"_

The shock and dismay was evident in Admiral Quinn's voice, the bridge's viewscreen displaying his concerned expression clearly, and Lydana nodded sadly.

"Yes, sir. Ensigns T'Vrell and Yatsai have double-checked our findings, gone over them in detail...there is no doubt, sir. I wish I had better news, but-"

 _"No, you've done well. We'll send a ship to recover the_ DaVinci _and her crew, and another to continue your investigation. You should return to Earth Spacedock, take some time to recuperate."_

Lydana wasn't sure how to respond to that. She knew what she wanted to say, but she managed only a muted mumble as she tried to speak.

 _"Did you need to say something, Lieutenant?"_ Admiral Quinn asked, giving her the opening she had needed.

"I...Yes, sir." She took a deep breath, thought carefully about what she intended to say, before finally giving voice to her thoughts. "Sir, any ship sent to continue this investigation could take hours to arrive, maybe even weeks depending on what ship is sent and where they are. Our ship is here, now, and every minute of delay allows whoever did this to get further from justice. We have to see this through, before anyone else suffers at the hands of these...renegades."

There was a taught silence on the bridge for a moment, before Admiral Quinn smiled broadly at the young officer.

 _"I knew there were hidden depths to you,"_ he told her warmly, and gave her a choppy nod. _"Very well. You are hereby ordered to continue your investigation, and if possible, bring these traitors to justice. Keep me informed. Quinn, out."_

Lydana turned from the viewscreen, only to find all of her bridge officers staring at her raptly.

"Gotta hand it to you, captain," Elisa stated, "you can make one hell of a speech when you want to."

"It certainly exuded a confidence we have rarely seen from you, Lieutenant," T'Vrell stated, in the same flat tone most Vulcans spoke with, and Lydana smiled.

"Watch it, Ensign, or I'll have you cleaning the deflector array with a Ferengi tooth-sharpener," she quipped, then sobered again. "Deploy a beacon, so that Starfleet knows where to find the _DaVinci_ , then we need to see about finding a trail to follow from the attacking in ship."

"I believe I have one, sir," T'Vrell announced, working at her console. "Utilising the readings Zarva provided for the _DaVinci_ 's warp signature, I have been able to isolate that from our readings. Negating that signature and our own, there is only one other Federation warp trail in the area. Logic dictates that this would be the trail from our 'renegade' vessel."

"Sounds good to me," Lydana answered with a nod. "Good work, T'Vrell. Helm, once you receive the heading lay in a course, maximum warp."

"Aye ma'am," the helm officer replied, and in a few moments the starscape in the viewscreen shifted as the ship swung onto its new heading.

* * *

Lydana was afraid, even more so than she showed - Starfleet had been her dream, ever since she had been a little girl and she'd seen the Federation ships coming and going, from Deep Space Nine and her home planet to the wormhole and beyond. While her parents harboured a mistrust of outsiders, Lydana had seen the good they were doing, and she wanted to be a part of it.

To think that there was a group of people who had decided to spit in the face of the altruistic and selfless organisation...it was painful for her.

Just another reason why she wanted to be the one to hunt the renegades down.

Lydana sat tensely in the captain's chair, and she caught herself rubbing her nose ridges again. They'd been at maximum warp for roughly three hours, and they still hadn't seen the renegade vessel. She'd sent Elisa to her quarters for some rest, and the watch rotation had seen T'Vrell and Yatsai replaced with a pair of officers Lydana hadn't met, but given their terse responses she assumed they were crew she had passed over when Quinn promoted her.

Well, it wasn't like it was _her_ fault. She hadn't even been prepared to be Acting First Officer, let alone suddenly thrown into the captain's chair, but she doubted that anyone with a grudge was going to pay attention to _that_.

There was something that T'Vrell had mentioned, just before she left the bridge at the end of her watch, which had made Lydana feel at least a little less concerned. She had reminded her that it may not be Starfleet renegades - after all, there were several documented occasions where intruders had captured a Starfleet vessel for their own ends. Khan Noonien Singh had captured the USS _Reliant_ , back in the days when the _Enterprise_ was a _Constellation_ -class vessel captained by the famous James T. Kirk. The _Enterprise_ herself had been captured on numerous occasions - both the earlier incarnations under Kirk's command, and the _Galaxy_ -class _Enterprise-D_ commanded by the equally-famous Captain Picard. The USS _Prometheus,_ encountered by _Voyager'_ s EMH, had been captured by Romulans, and indeed _Voyager_ herself had been taken over by the Hirogen and turned into a massive hunting ground.

Somehow, the reminder didn't make Lydana feel a great deal better.

"Sir, we're detecting a distress signal," announced the officer at the Comms station, intruding on Lydana's reverie.

"Location?" the Lieutenant asked, focussing again as her heart leapt into her throat. She was definitely _not_ prepared for a combat situation again.

"Just a few degrees off our port bow," the officer answered, tapping a fresh query into his console. "It's just slightly off from where the warp trail ends. Allowing for spatial drift, I'd say this is our renegade, sir."

"Good. Bring us out of warp, Anne. Ash, raise shields and-"

"There's something else, sir," the Comm officer said. "The distress signal - it's being sent on a Federation frequency...but it has a _Romulan_ verification code embedded in it."

"Romulan?" Lydana asked, confused by the implication. "I thought they were meant to be our allies?"

"I can't offer any more information I'm afraid, sir," the officer added with a shrug, and Lydana thought for a moment.

"Ash, raise shields and charge weapons. Anne, bring us into visual range. Once we're there Comms, put the distress call onscreen."

It only took a few minutes, and in that time no-one shot at the _Steadfast_ , allowing Lydana chance to breathe again - for now, at least. As they closed, the ensign at Tactical gave continual updates on their quarry.

"I'm detecting a single ship... _Akira_ -class, heavily damaged. Weapons are offline, engines are down, life support is failing, and- sir, their warp core is losing containment!"

"Shit!" Lydana blurted out without thinking. "How long have we got?"

"A few minutes, at best!"

"I've got visual, sir!" the Comms officer announced, immediately complying with her previous instruction.

The viewscreen lit with a male Romulan, who looked like he had seen better days - his hair was a mess, he was bleeding severely from several facial wounds, and he appeared to only have the use of one arm. The distress call itself was a mess of static, but from what Lydana could see behind the officer, she was surprised they had any communications at all.

"This is...Ravek of the...Romulan Star Empire. I am...I am the only survivor, and...this ship is doomed...please...help me, I beg of you, be-"

The screen blanked suddenly, and Lydana swore again.

"Are we in transporter range?" she snapped to the Ops officer, who nodded.

"Yes sir, we-"

"Beam him directly to sick bay!"

"Sir?"

" _Now!"_

The young man nervously worked at his console, heaving a sigh of relief after a moment.

"We've got him-"

"Anne, get us out of here, best speed!"

The small ship pulled away, jumping to warp a second before the _Akira_ -class vessel detonated in a flare of blue-white energy.

* * *

"You have some explaining to do, Mister Ravek."

The Romulan grimaced in pain as the ship's chief medical officer busied himself, administering a pain suppressant via hypospray before conducting a full scan of the officer's injuries.

"I have nothing to say...to you, Starfleet." His voice was rough and cracked, no doubt from inhaling too much smoke from a burning ship seconds from death.

"Not even what the Romulans want with a Federation ship? Why your superiors thought it was a good idea, when the Klingons have been attacking our ships mercilessly for months?"

The Romulan glared at her, struggling to support himself as he leaned on his good arm.

"I will say nothing...to a Starfleet _child_ ," the officer scoffed, and once again Lydana felt the weight of her youth and inexperience bearing down on her. A better officer would know how to deal with this man, a better officer would know what to say and what to do, but she was too young, too fresh from training.

Wordlessly she strode from sickbay, the sound of Ravek's choking laughter echoing behind her.

Outside the infirmary, Lydana leaned against the curving bulkhead, closing her eyes as she fought to keep herself from having another panic attack. The feeling of being overwhelmed by the burden of her position was a common one, and it was always a chore to overcome it.

She finally choked the feeling back down, although she was certain it would resurface later on, but at least she had regained some of her ability to function.

She pushed herself away from the wall again, heading for the nearest turbolift as she thought about what to do, and she tapped her combadge as she walked.

"Kassai to Potter."

 _"Potter here."_

"Anne, I need you to set a course back to where we found that ship. If our prisoner won't tell us anything, perhaps we can find something among the wreckage."

 _"Aye sir, we'll be back there before you know it."_

Lydana took a deep breath, regaining her composure as much as possible as she finally reached the lift.

She just hoped she could find something, otherwise she would have nothing incriminating with which to bring Ravek to justice.


	5. Chapter 5

Lydana stared at the starscape on the viewscreen, sighing in exasperation as she kneaded her temples.

"What do you mean, 'there's nothing there'?"

"Just that, sir," replied the officer at the Ops station, "there isn't anything there. Just a few fragments of ship debris and some organic matter from the Romulans who were on board."

"That's it?" she snapped, storming around the bridge to Ops, "nothing else? Nothing that can tie the Romulan Star Empire to this mess, or that tells us what is actually going on here?"

"I would remind you, sir," the Ops officer said, his voice dripping with condescending scorn, "that there is generally very little left after a warp core breach."

"And I would remind you, _Ensign_ , that regardless of your feelings on the matter I am still the senior officer and captain of this ship, and you will address me with the respect due my rank."

She knew she had to show some backbone in front of the crew, but she was always worried with how much was 'too much'. Not enough, and the crew loses faith in her ability to lead. Too much, and the crew considers her too harsh, no doubt citing her youth and inexperience as valid reasons to get her thrown off the ship. She may have been thrown _into_ the captain's chair, but she refused to let go of it without a fight. Admiral Quinn needed her to succeed - she was determined to make sure his faith in her was not misplaced.

The Ops officer glared at her, undisguised hate burning in his eyes, and she could tell he wanted to say something more, to take the matter further.

"Sir," he growled, before diverting his attention back to the console in front of him.

Almost immediately, the console emitted a warning tone, and the officer frowned at the readout.

"I'm picking up some unusual tetryon fluctuations," he said, adding "sir" almost as an afterthought, and Lydana frowned in sympathetic confusion.

"Tetryon fluctuations?" she muttered to herself, and her eyes suddenly widened in horror.

"Oh hell...raise shields, go to red alert!"

The alert siren begun sounding at almost the exact same moment as an immense Romulan warbird shimmered into existence, a terrifyingly short distance away and appearing to stare directly at the _Steadfast_.

"That...is a _breathtakingly_ large ship," Lydana said, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

"It...it's a R-Romulan..." the Ops officer cleared his throat and tried again, without looking at the massive ship ahead of them. "It's...a _D'deridex_ -class battlecruiser, sir."

"I can see that," she muttered, by contrast not daring to look away from the huge ship. "Is it powering weapons?"

"N-not yet, sir."

"It's hailing us," the Comm officer called, and Lydana straightened up as best she could. She swallowed twice, and eventually the lump in her throat disappeared, but she knew she was bordering on having another panic attack.

"Onscreen," she said at last.

When the screen lit with the form of the Romulan ship's captain, the first thing Lydana noticed was his uniform. Unlike the plain, functional uniform worn by S'vae - and, no doubt, the rest of the Republic's soldiers - this man was wearing an ostentatious uniform, bedecked with all kinds of adornments and even a cloak of deep, arterial crimson. Although his expression seemed more amused than S'Vae's did, his eyes held none of her compassion, and the young Bajoran instantly knew this was an altogether different kind of officer.

"I am Commander Vekaan of the Imperial Romulan Warship _D'kala,_ with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"Well he seems polite enough," murmured a familiar voice behind her, and Lydana felt vastly reassured at the renewed presence of her friend at Tactical.

"I am Lieutenant Kassai Lydana, captain of the Federation Starship _Steadfast_ ," she announced as calmly as she could, but despite her efforts her voice still trembled slightly. She was certain Vekaan smiled coldly at the tremor.

"As you will no doubt be aware, _captain_ -" he made the title an insult, clearly dismissing her rank as little more than a joke - "a distress call was sent by one of our people from this area. Now I arrive here, and find no trace of my brothers and sisters but a Federation starship sniffing about their remains. What am I to make of that, do you think?"

His tone had been conversational, even jovial at the start, but had grown colder as he spoke. Now, Lydana was quite sure that he intended to attack, no matter what the outcome of their conversation.

"I don't know sir," she answered frankly. "We investigated the same distress call, to find Romulan officers had 'commandeered' a Federation vessel. What am _I_ to make of _that_ , do you think?"

All pretense of civility drained from the commander's expression, and he glared at Lydana with a look that promised violence.

"You intrude upon affairs you know nothing of, child," he sneered, and Lydana rolled her eyes. She was getting tired of being called that. "You also have one of my people prisoner. I will see him returned, or you will be destroyed."

"We are treating his injuries, commander, after which he will be taken to the nearest Federation starbase to answer for his crimes."

"You will return him to us, or your ship will take the place of the one he 'commandeered'," Vekaan demanded.

"Oh, so it was taken for a purpose then," Lydana offered, catching him off-guard. "Care to elaborate on what that purpose was?"

Vekaan's expression stiffened, and he stabbed at his console angrily, ending the transmission.

"Guess he didn't," Elisa joked, but Lydana was not in a joking mood.

"T'Vrell," she called, not looking away from the blank screen, "I need to record a message."

"To whom, sir?"

"Anyone in range," she said sadly. "Anyone who has the means to hear it."

"Ready, sir."

Lydana took a deep breath, expecting the attacks to begin at any moment, and began her message.

"This is Lieutenant Kassai Lydana, of the USS _Steadfast_ , to any vessel in range. We are about to engage forces I believe are affiliated with the Tal Shiar, and I am requesting reinforcements. If no help reaches us in time...then I ask anyone who receives this to resume what we started. I believe the Tal Shiar are planning something, something which requires the use of a Federation vessel, and if I do not survive then it is likely they have taken mine for their purpose."

The ship shuddered violently, and Lydana heaved a heavy sigh.

"They have begun their attack. I beg you, come to our aid...or avenge our deaths."

She looked at T'Vrell, as the ship shuddered again.

"Send that along with all the sensor data we've acquired so far on this investigation," she ordered, before dropping into the captain's chair. "Anne, evasive manoeuvres. Elisa...lock phasers and return fire."

* * *

The tiny, aging little ship dodged, dove and rolled, and yet it seemed it was flying _into_ the Warbird's shots rather than avoiding them.

A fresh salvo of emerald beams raked the _Steadfast_ 's shields, causing several power conduits to overload and tear a hole in the side of the ship.

"We've got several hull breaches, sir!" someone shouted from Ops, but Lydana was too preoccupied to see who it was. "Decks four through nine are reporting casualties, emergency force-fields are holding for now."

More shots scored hits on the ship, and a bank of consoles at the rear of the bridge blew out. She knew it was only a matter of time before her bridge was bathed in flame, but she had to make things difficult for the Romulans somehow.

"Keep firing, Elisa!" she ordered, before she was forced to shield her eyes as another shot caused the main viewscreen to explode.

"It's no good, we aren't even denting their shields!"

Lydana wiped her brow, noticing her hand was wet with blood rather than sweat.

"Keep firing, Lise. Anne, try and keep us behind the Romulans, their weapons are mainly front-facing."

"So you _did_ listen to me all those times I talked at you about these things, huh?"

Lydana smiled at the comment, remembering the times Elisa had droned on for ages about the impressive power of such massive ships. She'd been stunned by them, from a tactical officer's point of view, whereas Lydana had other interests.

"Only when you got to the bit about their singularity cores," she told her friend. "Those things are a scientific miracle, if a little unstable."

Her eyes widened as something suddenly occurred to her, and she raced around to Elisa's side as the ship shuddered again.

"Elisa, can this ship manage a sort of..overcharged phaser shot, from both banks at once?"

"Not without blowing out the emitter arrays, and they take a _long_ time to repair," Elisa answered, and Lydana gave a curt nod.

"It'll do. Set it up, and at the same time ready a high-yield photon torpedo, the highest yield you can manage." Without giving her time to reply, Lydana moved on to T'Vrell's position.

"T'Vrell, I need you to prepare a tachyon beam from the deflector dish, so that we can force their shields to drain at least a little."

"I can certainly do that, sir," T'Vrell stated calmly, and Lydana grinned humourlessly.

"Great. Potter, get us to their backs."

"I'm trying sir, but they're compensating with some tricky moves of their own, and-" another salvo rocked the ship, and several wall panels erupted in a shower of sparks and debris. Something in the ceiling came loose and crashed to the floor, a burning mass of cables hitting the deck and burning the crewman caught underneath it.

"Engines are offline, sir!" Anne shouted, coughing through the smoke building up in the bridge.

"Environmental systems are struggling to scrub the smoke sir, and fire suppression systems are offline!"

"Fuck it," Lydana said viciously, "we do it now. T'Vrell, tachyon beam!"

"Engaging."

As the ship fired a beam of bright blue energy from its deflector dish, the Warbird's shields began to drop suddenly, and Elisa reported the fact to Lydana.

"Elisa, overcharge the phasers, both banks!"

A pair of blazing orange beams lanced out from the _Steadfast_ 's phaser emitters, burning through the Warbird's weakened shields with ease before the phaser banks finally erupted from the stress.

"High-yield torpedo!" Lydana called, and a second later, a new star was birthed as the gleaming projectile arced towards the massive warship. It slammed into the ship's port warp nacelle, which promptly detonated in a massive release of energy.

However, as damaging as it was, the vast ship was still there, as ominous and threatening as before.

"Sir...it's turning," Elisa stated, hands dancing over her console as she attempted to get any of her weapons to work.

"Potter, get us moving!" Lydana yelled, but her other classmate shook her head in defeat.

"Engines are still offline, sir, we're...we're dead in the water."

"Elisa, torpedoes!" Lydana shouted, but it was too late.

The immense ship finally brought its weapons to bear again, and opened up with a relentless disruptor barrage. The _Steadfast_ 's already weakened shields burst under the onslaught, the beams cutting deep into the smaller ship's hull.

Lydana covered her head as everything seemed to erupt around her, the helm console exploding and throwing Anne to the deck. A cry from behind her told her that the Tactical station had detonated as well, and she ran to her friend's side just as another chunk of the ceiling caved in and crushed the captain's chair.

"Lise!" she shouted, dropping to her knees as she checked Elisa's pulse. "She's still alive, emergency medkit, now!"

She caught the slim box that Yatsai tossed to her, pulling out the medical tricorder and assessing her friend's injuries.

"I can stabilise her, but she'll need to get to sickbay for full treatment," she stated, thankful that she'd studied in science and medical.

"Well, since today was going so well, I thought I'd offer some more bad news," Yatsai said. "Our shields are down, and we've got Romulans beaming aboard."

Lydana slapped her commbadge, and was relieved it when it made its usual chirp. At least the internal comms were still working.

"Kassai to all crew, prepare to repel boarders, I repeat prepare to repel boarders."

Lydana closed her eyes, fighting back the tears and the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. She had come so far, and she had to keep fighting - for her crew, for the Admiral...for Elisa.

She fought for breath, something which wasn't being helped by the fires burning around her.

She could hear her bridge crew speaking, but she was oblivious to the words - all she could hear was _failure, child, not good enough._

She fought against those thoughts, those words, and cast them to the back of her mind. There would be time to analyse her mistakes - no doubt in great detail - once she got her crew safely back home.

She swallowed once, cleared her mind and opened her eyes.

"Yatsai, Ash, pick up Ensign Flores and come with me. Make sure you have a phaser each. T'Vrell, stay at the Comm station, I need you to let me know the minute anyone replies to us, or if anyone turns up."

"Where are we going?" Yatsai asked, gently lifting the unconscious form of Elisa with Ash's help.

"First, we're taking her to sickbay," Lydana said firmly, "then we're going to kick the Romulans off my damned ship."

* * *

 **A/N: Well, I for one wouldn't want to be the Tal Shiar right now - seems like they've pushed poor Lydana just a little too far now! Hope you're still enjoying the story guys (or should that be singular? Seems like I only have one fan here at the moment...) and the next piece should be up soon!**


	6. Chapter 6

The corridors of the _Steadfast_ had each been turned into narrow battlegrounds, each one the site of a war of attrition that the ship's crew were losing. The massive warship just beyond the walls had a far larger crew, and so they could put a larger number of combatants onto the the tiny vessel.

Ash and Lydana stalked down the corridor, opening fire on the first group of Romulans they saw - their backs to the turbolift, fighting to prevent some of the crew meeting up with others and forming an organised resistance. As the Tal Shiar were forced to face the sudden threat, the other crewmen redoubled their efforts, and eventually they broke the chokepoint.

"Captain!" one of the officers cheered, wearing the red-trimmed uniform of a Tactical officer. The rank pips marked her as a Chief, which Lydana figured meant the woman was her chief of security. At that point, she was finding it hard to recall.

"Chief, report," the Bajoran ordered, and the older woman sighed as she checked a disruptor wound on her shoulder.

"They haven't gotten to sickbay yet, which is a mercy - there's too many wounded in there that would just get executed if these bastards got in. We're fighting back on all decks, but it's a losing battle, and we were making our way to the shuttle bay before this lot jumped us."

Lydana's eyes narrowed, and she fixed the Chief with a withering glare that most of her classmates would never have expected from her.

"The shuttle bay? I never gave an order to evacuate, what were you hoping to accomplish from there?"

The Chief shook her head, her expression defeated.

"Sir, the ship is lost. We're dead in space and boarders are on every deck, we can't-"

"This ship is _not_ lost!" Lydana snapped, her anger overriding all other emotion. "We will fight until there is no-one left, because I am not about to let the Tal Shiar, or the Romulan Empire, or whoever they want to call themselves use _my_ ship and crew for their own twisted plans!"

"Sir, I don't-"

"You're all coming with me," Lydana announced. "We're going to drop Ensign Flores off at sickbay, then we're going to the armoury, then we are going to take this ship back. Do you understand me?"

The Chief looked sheepish, and the others behind her looked nonplussed. They all seemed nervous or apprehensive, and Lydana couldn't blame them given their situation.

However, one among them was less inclined to remain silent.

"First Klingons, now Romulans think they can invade our ship!" snarled R'raak, the Caitian who had been wounded when the Klingons invaded only a few days previously. "I am tired of letting these other races bully us! If the captain wants us to fight, then I say we fight!"

Lydana offered the feline former cadet a crooked smile, and he reciprocated with a feral grin. She was thankful for his support, and not simply because it showed his loyalty - it stirred the others to action as well.

"Yeah, he's right!" another crewman shouted. "Why should we stand for this? Let's kick these bastards back!"

"It's what Captain Taggart would've expected!"

"We shouldn't be running, we should be fighting!"

Lydana looked at the Chief, and the young woman's cheeks heated with shame. Eventually she met her captain's eyes, and smiled weakly.

"Looks like we're with you, captain," she offered, and Lydana patted her shoulder.

"Good choice, chief. Alright people, let's move!"

As one, the whole group moved off with renewed purpose, filled with fresh determination and eager to fight.

For her part, Lydana was just shocked that she'd had the fire to get her people moving in the right direction. She might actually be able to make this work, after all...

* * *

Eventually the makeshift team managed to fight its way to sickbay, and with no severe injuries, for which Lydana was thankful. The Lieutenant herself suffered an unpleasant burn on her left cheek, when a disruptor shot blew out a wall-mounted display panel she'd been stood near, and although the damage narrowly missed her eye she fought on regardless. When they'd finally made it to sickbay, Yatsai left Elisa on the nearest free bed while Lydana checked in with the doctor.

"I'm glad you came when you did, Lieutenant," the Andorian doctor stated hurriedly, moving between patients in a blur of motion. "I could hear weapons fire coming closer, and I was worried I'd have to evacuate the room."

"You should be safe for now, doctor," Lydana replied, checking over her friend's vital signs. "I've managed to stabilise Ensign Flores, but I think she took an energy discharge when her console blew."

"Thank you for letting me know, I'll get to her promptly." The doctor looked at her briefly as he responded, then looked again as he noticed the burn on her cheek. "Captain, you're wounded," he stated with concern, reaching for a dermal regenerator from a nearby trolley, but Lydana waved him away.

"I'll live, doctor, and you have far more pressing patients than me. Besides, I have to see about getting rid of our unwelcome guests."

Despite her assurances, he still prepared a hypospray and quickly pressed it to her neck. She winced as the device hissed in activation, but she soon found it easier to work her jaw.

"Just a little something for the pain," the doctor told her. "If you're going to be fighting for our lives, it's the least I can do."

"Thank you." Lydana stroked her unconscious friend's hair gently, before checking her phaser and gathering her team once again.

"Ash, Jensen, Korim, stay here and guard sickbay. I don't want anyone getting in here who isn't Starfleet. The rest of you, with me." She looked back at the doctor, her hazel eyes hard as flint.

"Look after these people, doctor, and stay safe. I have a feeling we're _all_ going to be needing your services later on."

At that, she gathered her team and led them out into the corridor, all of them armed and ready to face the enemy once again.

* * *

Another deck down, and once again Lydana's team were caught in a firefight. This time, however, they were focussed, co-ordinated, and despite the Romulans having the greater numbers the Starfleet officers' training began to prove successful.

Lydana peered around a corner, spotting her target and putting a phaser beam directly into his chest. She ducked back behind the corner, avoiding the inevitable return disruptor fire, tapping her comm-badge as she did.

"Kassai to Zarva, report."

 _"Still here, sir,"_ the Bolian replied, with the jovial attitude often shared by her race. _"The Romulans are quite eager to get into Engineering, but I'll die before I let them get their grubby hands on my warp core."_

"Good work," Lydana told her, taking another shot round the corner. "Secure the engine room, then bring everyone you can to meet me at the armoury."

There was a brief moment of silence - or relative silence, anyway, as more weapons fire sounded over the comm.

 _"Sir, I don't think-"_

"At any point did I imply that was a suggestion, Ensign?" Lydana interrupted, her impatience superceding any qualms she may have had about her position. She still hated talking to her classmate like that, but she needed Zarva to just shut up and do as ordered for the sake of her crew.

 _"No sir,"_ Zarva's voice replied, less cheerful this time. _"We'll get it done and see you there, captain. Zarva out."_

Lydana thanked the Prophets for that, and made a mental addendum - if she ever survived this ordeal, she was going to make a greater effort to follow the faith of her people. She owed the Prophets that much.

She looked around the corner again, and saw the chance she was waiting for - the Romulans were growing cautious, and their reinforcements hadn't arrived.

"Move!"

Her team bolted forwards, phasers filling the corridor with searing orange beams, scything down the Romulans as they pushed forwards towards the armoury.

Lydana would not let her ship be taken without a fight.

* * *

Lydana's team arrived at the armoury door at the same time as Zarva arrived, a few light burns marring her blue skin, her expression almost thunderous. As soon as her people had grouped up, Lydana opened the armoury door, and as soon as everyone was in she locked it behind them.

"Everyone grab a phaser rifle," she ordered, inputting the command codes on the weapon locker. "If we're going to save this ship, we need all the firepower we can get."

" _Can_ we save this ship?" Zarva asked, and Lydana glared at her.

"I don't know, but by the Prophets I would rather die trying than surrender to these terrorists."

"Then wouldn't it be better to just set the self-destruct?"

Lydana almost choked in shock at the suggestion, and for a few moments she had no idea how to respond.

"Set the- Zarva, in case you didn't notice, there is a Romulan _battlecruiser_ outside these very bulkheads. After all this, you think they'll just let us go? They'd pick us up, because let's face it no one else is within a hundred light years to stop them, and then we'd be at their tender mercies for who-knows how long. Believe me, death is a better option."

She pulled another rifle from the rack and handed it to her classmate, and after a moment's hesitation Zarva finally took it.

As she checked over the weapon, Lydana picked up and checked her own, then paused in thought. She looked towards another locker, standing on its own at the end of the narrow room, and she weighed up the options.

The weapon in that locker was considerably more powerful than a phaser rifle, but for that reason it was only ever used in surface combat. It had the potential to burn through a bulkhead and open the deck to space...but then, Lydana reasoned, that had already happened. What was one more hole?

Her choice made, she slung the rifle over her shoulder and moved over to the other locker and input the command code.

Zarva spotted the weapon Lydana pulled out, mainly because it was almost as long as the Lieutenant was tall, and she walked over to her friend as she checked its power levels.

"Is this the scientific approach?" she asked in mock displeasure, smiling at the Lieutenant.

"No," Lydana answered seriously, her expression blank. "This is the 'I want these bastards off my ship' approach."

As soon as she'd finished her checks, Lydana hefted the massive phaser minigun, keeping a firm grip on the carry handle and curling her right hand around the rear grip, her forefinger easily finding the trigger.

"Let's move out," she stated, moving towards the door. "I want this over and done with."

She unlocked the door and led the group out, determined to hunt down the invaders' leader and end the assault once and for all.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: First off, WARNING: there will follow a scene that involves a female character being subjected to physical violence. There is no rape, just some unpleasant violent acts, which I felt it would be best to warn readers of beforehand.**

 **That said, this marks the end of Budens - as indicated by how OMFG long this chapter is. I just couldn't close it properly otherwise, and splitting it wouldn't have been appropriate. I hope you enjoy, guys, and thanks as always for reading.**

* * *

Lydana soon found out the hard way that, even in burst mode, the massive weapon needed a second to charge. The first time she attempted to open fire on a Romulan group, three of her team had died to disruptors before a stream of phaser pulses tore through two of the attackers. The Lieutenant learned quickly as the rest of her team moved into cover, hitting the trigger a split-second before she moved out of cover again, this time cutting down another two Romulans with only a minor injury being taken in response. The disruptor fire doubled, pinning them behind the structural supports they hid behind, and Lydana swore viciously.

"Alright, fine," she murmured, more to herself than anyone else, "let's see what this thing can _really_ do..."

Her thumb hit the small button that switched the weapon to sustained fire, and she squeezed the trigger before rolling out of the support's protection. She came to a stop in the middle of the corridor, her crouched stance causing the Romulans to waste precious milliseconds re-directing their fire.

Precious milliseconds that they no longer had.

The weapon gave a short, rising whine, before spewing forth a deadly torrent of burning orange pulses, and Lydana tracked the weapon fire across the squad of invaders that stood in her way.

In a matter of seconds, the Romulans lay strewn across the deck, and the rest of the Lieutenant's team moved out of their hiding places, each of them cheering their captain's bravery.

Not that she felt particularly brave. As a scientist and medic, she lamented the loss of life on both sides, and she was growing weary of the protracted fighting that was taking place on her own ship.

She moved over to where the Romulan bodies lay, hoping to find even a single survivor - and surprisingly enough, she found one.

She crouched beside the bleeding warrior, laying the minigun on the deck beside her, attempting to offer some basic first aid...not that it was likely to do much good.

"Why are your people doing this?" Lydana asked gently, removing her belt to form a makeshift tourniquet. The Romulan groaned in pain as the belt tightened around his arm, and Lydana repeated the question.

"We...we're trying to..."

A bout of violent coughing interrupted him, dark green blood flecking his lips as he tried to respond. That wasn't a good sign, Lydana knew - clearly something vital had been hit, and he wasn't going to last much longer.

It went against what she believed to let him suffer, so Lydana stood up and unslung her phaser rifle, setting it for pulse fire instead of beam, and pointing it at the Romulan's head.

"May the Elements grant you peace," she offered, before ending his suffering with a single shot.

Lydana sighed sorrowfully, and turned around to address her team - and instantly realised she'd made a fatal error.

She realised, all too late, that she hadn't ordered a rearguard, and as the team focussed their attention on her, another group of Romulans arrived behind them and opened fire.

Lydana could only stare in numb horror as every member of her tiny group was cut down in a volley of emerald beams, while she stood paralyzed with fear and shock. Yatsai took a pair of disruptor beams in the back, dropping her in an instant. Angella, the security chief Lydana had persuaded back into action, began to turn until a disruptor shot took her through the neck.

She tried, desperately, to raise her own rifle, but instead her fingers went slack and the weapon clattered to the deck. Her breath caught in her throat, and it seemed as though the world began to move in slow motion as Zarva turned, sensing the threat. She raised her rifle, but she barely got it halfway when another beam lanced into her, dropping her to the floor as well.

Only then, when she saw her classmate fall, did Lydana finally manage to fight her paralysis and run towards her stricken friend, and even then she never got far.

The leader of the group, the same overdressed Romulan she had spoken to before, grabbed her by the throat and pushed her back, hard enough to slam her against the bulkhead.

"Lieutenant Lydana, I presume?" he queried, his eyes burning with suppressed anger.

Lydana stared back at him, the fire inside herself that she had been carefully tending slowly dwindling back to embers, her hands trembling and her chest tightening as she fought a fresh panic attack.

"N-no, it's Lieutenant _Kassai,_ " she corrected, and the lead Romulan - Vekaan, she recalled - nodded in satisfaction.

"Ah. Good."

Vekaan's gloved fist crashed across her cheek, causing her to scream in pain as her burned skin split open under the impact.

"You have caused me no end of problems, girl," Vekaan snarled, driving his fist straight into into her face this time, breaking her nose and causing her head to smack against the bulkhead. Tears began coursing down her face as she fought to regain any of her previous fire, anything that would allow her to fight back, but nothing surfaced.

"I had plans for your ship, and they at least may still be salvaged," Vekaan added, driving a knee into Lydana's stomach before pulling her back upright with a fist in her hair. She cried out in fresh pain as the Romulan pulled her head back roughly, growling into her ear when he spoke again.

"But do you know how much you and your defiance has cost me in crew? In time?!" He turned her around and slammed her head against the wall, opening another wound across her forehead, but this time she managed to steady herself, and she turned to face him again with defiance burning through her tears.

"Whatever...I cost you," she breathed, suppressing an emotional sniffle, "it...will never...be enough."

Finding some hidden store of courage, Lydana lunged at the Romulan commander, but she was too weak - Vekaan deflected the attack with ease, and dropped her with a single shot to her thigh.

For once, she regretted wearing the uniform skirt. She'd always worn it because she preferred the freedom of movement it offered, and it had given her a confidence borne of feeling more attractive than she normally did, but as the disruptor burned through her bare skin and into the muscle beneath she longed for _anything_ that would have lessened the impact.

She collapsed to the floor among the dead members of her team, fresh pain bringing fresh tears, and at last the strength to fight back left her.

At long last, she realised she had failed. She'd failed her friends, her crew, her superiors who had believed in her, and nothing burned more than the bitterness of her defeat.

"I am often told that our treatment of prisoners is brutal," Vekaan explained, "and maybe that's true. But in the interests of my people, there is _nothing_ I will not do, if it means bringing the Empire back to it's former glory." He keyed the communicator built into his wristguard, speaking without looking away from Lydana.

"Vekaan to _D'kala_ , prepare to transport all Starfleet survivors to the brig."

In the awkward silence that followed, Lydana rolled onto her back, thinking that if she was going to die she would do it facing her executor. She watched as Vekaan frowned, keying his communicator again in frustration.

"Vekaan to _D'kala,_ respond."

Another brief period of silence, before finally a voice responded to him.

 _"I'm dreadfully sorry, Commander,"_ intoned a feminine voice that sounded far from apologetic, _"but I'm afraid your ship is somewhat...preoccupied."_

"What?! Who is this?!"

 _"This is Centurion Loraya S'Vae of the_ Leucosia, _and the Starfleet vessel you have unlawfully boarded is under our protection. If you have any brains in that thick skull of yours, I would advise you to leave. Now."_

Lydana almost wept with joy at hearing the voice of someone who was on her side, after what had felt like an age amidst enemies. However, Vekaan wasn't finished blustering.

"Listen to me, Centurion," he growled, raising his pistol towards Lydana's head, "if you want your friend to survive I suggest you take your little ship away from matters that do not concern you. A single vessel cannot stand-"

S'Vae's voice chuckled over the commlink.

 _"I never said I only had one ship,"_ she said with a laugh. _"I'll see your charming_ D'deridex _, and raise you a pair of_ Ha'apax _warbirds."_

Lydana had no idea what one of those was, but Vekaan's look of horror suggested that they spelled bad news for him, and she seized her moment to strike.

She lunged forwards once again, seizing Vekaan's gun hand and pulling him down towards her. As he came down, she used her own momentum to smash her head into his nose, spraying blood across his face and her hair, but she ignored the mess and the pain and followed through.

She ducked under Vekaan's arm, wrenching it backwards as she pulled him upright, using him as a shield against his own guard.

Despite his attempts to keep it, Lydana finally managed to pull the disruptor pistol from his grasp, pressing it against his temple.

"Drop your weapons or I blow the side of his skull off," she ordered, and Vekaan's guard exchanged concerned glances.

"She's bluffing," he snapped, "the minute she gives up, shoot her."

"Word of advice," she said quietly into Vekaan's ear, "don't drive a girl to desperation, then assume she's bluffing when she has a gun to your head."

Without waiting for a response, she opened fire on Vekaan's honour guard, putting them all down with several quick shots.

"Order your men off my ship," Lydana hissed, her voice full of menace as she pressed the weapon against the Commander's temple again.

"Never. We do not surrender to children."

She kicked him in the back of his knees, dropping him to the floor, and she moved forwards to press her boot into his back.

"Get. Your. People. Off. My. _Ship._ "

Vekaan growled, but still refused to comply.

"I am not going to-"

A single disruptor shot to the back of his head ended his defiance permanently, and the young Bajoran leaned against the nearest bulkhead, allowing herself to slide wearily to the floor.

After a few moments, she tapped her commbadge, taking a deep breath as she prepared to hear the worst.

"Kassai to T'Vrell, report," she said softly.

 _"The bridge has been held, sir,"_ the Vulcan woman answered, and that news lifted her spirits immediately. At least one of her classmates had avoided any major injury.

 _"I must regretfully report the death of Crewman Potter - I believe she was killed instantly when her console was destroyed. We have three additional Romulan ships engaging the_ D'kala, _and they seem to be winning."_

"Good, good," Lydana sighed. "Patch me into the shipwide comm-channel."

"Patched in, sir."

"This is Lieutenant Kassai to Romulan boarders. Your commander is dead and your ship is under attack. Surrender now and you will be taken to the nearest Starfleet facility for imprisonment. I can assure you, you will be treated far better than any of _your_ prisoners would be."

She laid her head back against the bulkhead, taking deep breaths as she fought the urge to have a panic attack right in the middle of the corridor. With so many dead and her ship in pieces, she doubted her career would last much longer.

"Well," moaned a voice from a head of her, "I can't say I'm not glad."

"Zarva!"

Lydana scurried forwards, ignoring the searing pain in her leg as she cradled her friend's head. "I thought you were dead!"

"And you look like you should be," the Bolian answered, frowning as she took in the bleeding burn on her cheek, the broken nose, the bruising around her face.

"I admit, I've felt better," Lydana answered with a gentle smile, when a chirp from her commbadge interrupted any further conversation.

"Lydana, go ahead."

 _"I have just received a report that the Romulans on board have surrendered, sir,"_ T'Vrell informed her. _"Also, Centurion S'Vae is requesting permission to come aboard and render assistance."_

"Good news all round, T'Vrell," Lydana answered. "Tell the Centurion I would be honoured to welcome her aboard, and apologise for the state of the ship."

"Very well, sir."

"Also, I need a site-to-site transport for Zarva, she needs to be teleported directly to sickbay."

"At once."

"I'll see you soon, Zarva," she told her friend, moving out of the way as she vanished in a haze of blue light.

With her friend taken care of, she began making her way - slowly and painfully - towards the transporter room, in order to greet her new guests.

* * *

Lydana stood, a little unsteadily, in the damaged-yet-functional transporter room, attempting to straighten her tunic before realising it wouldn't make a lot of difference at this point. Her various wounds still ached, the disruptor shot to her thigh most severely, although her nose still hurt and she couldn't breathe through it properly. Her cheek too was awash with stinging pain, as the open wound bled over the tender, damaged skin, and Lydana resolved to report to sickbay as soon as was viable.

But now was not that time.

She tapped her commbadge, raising T'Vrell on the bridge.

"I'm at the transporter room, T'Vrell. Energise when ready."

 _"Acknowledged."_

The transporter pad grew brighter as five glittering blue beams coalesced into the forms of five Romulans - or at least, three Romulans, one Romulan-shaped tower of muscle, and some sort of terrifying gargoyle who instinctively shielded her eyes, before pulling on a pair of polarised goggles.

 _Of course,_ Lydana thought, ashamed of her judgement of the woman's appearance, _she must be Reman. Their evolution was certainly...not kind._

However, there was no mistaking the Centurion - taller than Lydana's own five feet and six inches, clad in a plain tunic and trousers of dull red, and wearing a tasseled sash around her waist of grey and turquoise.

She led her small team off the transporter pad, and Lydana limped forward to greet them.

"Centurion S'Vae, welcome to the _Steadfast_ ," Lydana said, her voice cracking with sudden emotion. "Or at least, what's left of her."

"Lieutenant Kassai, it is a pleasure to meet you in person," S'Vae said with a warm smile, clasping Lydana's hand gently and meeting her eyes - presumably to avoid staring at what the Lieutenant was certain were ugly wounds. "Allow me to introduce my First Officer, Tovan Khev." she gestured to a tall, well-built Romulan man, who appeared to be roughly thirty years old by human standards and whose kind eyes instantly set Lydana at ease.

"We'll go over the other introductions later, but-"

She was cut off as Lydana's wounds and exhaustion finally caught up with her, and she staggered once before collapsing against her guest, who caught her before she hit the deck.

"But first, I think we should find your sickbay," she finished, before Lydana lost consciousness.

* * *

"So you finally stopped for some rest, captain?"

Lydana's eyes flickered open, and her Andorian Chief Medical Officer - who, to her continued shame, she couldn't recall the name of - swam into focus. It took her a moment to register the fact that she was on her back, and she instantly tried to rise.

"I can't lay down, I need to-"

"You _need_ to take it easy," the doctor stressed, pushing her back down. "At least your enforced rest period allowed me to see to that burn of yours, which very nearly got infected. As it is, you'll still have some scarring, but at least you look presentable now."

"But we have guests-"

"Don't fret, captain," intoned the charming and polite voice of her Romulan counterpart. "We haven't tried to steal your ship in your absence." The smile and chuckle from the Romulan officer were welcome, no doubt, but given recent events Lydana couldn't find the comment humorous. Loraya, for her part, seemed to pick up on that, and sobered up instantly.

"Forgive me, that was insensitive."

"It's fine," Lydana said softly, "but I really do have to get up, doctor. I need to help co-ordinate repair efforts-"

"Actually, we've been co-ordinating with your Vulcan on the bridge - T'Vrell, is it?" Lydana nodded. "Yes, she's been most helpful in getting us onboard to help with your most critical repairs."

Lydana opened her mouth to speak, until another voice cut across her thoughts.

"Well, I see you redecorated while I was out, Lyddie."

"Lise!"

Despite the doctor's instruction, the young officer leapt from the bed and embraced her friend tightly, and the redhead reciprocated with vigour.

"You did good, captain," she said quietly. "I'm proud of you."

Eventually Lydana pulled away, wiping half-formed tears from her eyes, and turning back to the doctor.

"Doc...how many did we lose?"

"Don't do this to yourself, Lyddie," Elisa warned, but the Bajoran held up a hand in a silencing gesture.

"How many?"

The Andorian sighed, apparently weighing up the merits of telling her over keeping her in the dark.

"Fifty-three dead, seventy-nine wounded, at least half of those critically so. Ensign Zarva will be fit for duty in a while..."

Lydana stumbled as if she'd been shot, leaning against the bed as she fought to keep upright. Her chest tightened at the shock of it - just over a quarter of her crew dead, and more than a quarter injured. She may as well have put a phaser to their heads herself. That at least would have been quick, merciful - how many of those fifty-three died slowly, in agony from exploded EPS relays, or being sucked into space during one of the many hull breaches? How many died in a pointless corridor skirmish, like Yatsai and Angella, gunned down by Romulans because _she_ refused to give in and just set the damned self-destruct?

Too many, she thought, and that didn't event take into account how many more currently languished in pain because her actions caused them to be injured.

"If I'm fit to return to duty, doctor," she murmured, not meeting anyone's eyes, "I have work to attend to."

"Well, I...you are, but I must protest your decision."

"Noted," Lydana stated flatly, storming towards the door. "I'll be in my ready room."

At that she left the room, followed by three pairs of very concerned eyes.

* * *

Her ready room hadn't faired much better than the rest of the ship, but it was intact enough for her purposes. Lydana busied herself brushing dust and cabling from her small seating area in the corner, trying to ignore her trembling hands and the tightening in her chest. However, no matter what she did, she couldn't shake the two numbers plaguing her thoughts.

 _Fifty-three dead, seventy-nine wounded._ Grim numbers for any ship, but that meant the over half of her total crew were out of action, one way or another. She sat down on the short couch, staring into empty space, trying not to blink - each time she closed her eyes, a different image assaulted her; Vekaan's punishing violence, members of the crew trapped in burning wreckage, calling for her help and never receiving it, or floating in the depths of space, reaching for her in a mute plea for assistance.

She succeeded in fighting off a panic attack, but her emotion needed release, and so she buried her face in her hands and finally allowed herself to cry brokenly.

She'd never wanted the command, but she'd been given it, and she had intended to do her duty to the best of her ability. Well, now that ability had been tested, and she had been found woefully inadequate.

Barely two minutes into her emotional outburst the door chime sounded, and Lydana hurriedly wiped her eyes and attempted to make herself appear...well, less of a mess.

"Come," she called, wincing at how broken her own voice sounded, and the door slid open to admit Elisa and the Centurion.

"Our guest requested to see you, and as First Officer I saw no reason to deny her," Elisa stated formally. "I'll be on the bridge," she said quietly, and Lydana realised she was directing it at Loraya.

The Romulan thanked Elisa with a small smile, before the redhead walked out of the room and allowed the door to close.

"She was worried about you," Loraya explained. "As was I, although I don't know you very well. You seemed to take your doctor's news...rather badly."

Lydana didn't look at her guest, instead walking over to the small window her ready room had, staring out into the void as she thought about everything.

"How do you do it?" she asked, her voice a husky whisper, and Loraya's brow furrowed.

"Captain?"

"Please, call me Lydana. I'm no captain worthy of the title." She shook her head, remembering she still needed to take a sonic shower and get rid of the blood and dirt from the defence effort. "What I meant was...how do you cope? How do you bear the burden of command, knowing how much rides on you?"

Loraya sensed the pain Lydana felt, understood it to a degree, and she walked closer as she decided how best to answer.

"By always acting in accordance with your beliefs," she began, ignoring Lydana's small scoff. "By always giving yourself fully to your ship, your crew and your superiors...and by understanding that no matter what choice you make, not everyone will make it back alive."

Silence reigned in the small room, and Loraya decided to expand on her comments.

"We are in the unenviable position of having to deal with the consequences of our decisions - decisions which, unlike those of any other crewman, affect the entire ship and everyone on it. Sometimes those actions can even affect an entire planet, a system, a race, a _quadrant,_ but we are responsible for making them nonetheless. Sometimes we can't wait around while our superiors debate the merits or faults of our options, and in the moment we have to decide what's best...and live with whatever comes after that, for good or ill."

Surprisingly, Lydana remained silent, shifting uncomfortably as she stared out the window. Loraya couldn't tell, but she thought the young officer was beginning to weep again, and she longed for a way to prevent that.

"May I ask how you came into this position?" she asked, hoping it would take Lydana's mind away from her emotional state.

The Bajoran sighed heavily, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against the cool surface of the window, thinking back to what felt like months before.

"I can't even believe it was only a week ago," she muttered quietly. "I only graduated from Starfleet Academy a week ago," she said, pitching her voice higher so that Loraya could hear her. "We'd received our orders and placements - Elisa and I, and the majority of my class actually, were to be posted to this ship for our training cruise, and I was nominated as Acting First Officer."

Loraya took the opportunity to sit on the small couch, where Lydana had been a few minutes before, and listened in respectful silence as Lydana continued.

"Barely a few hours out of spacedock, we picked up a distress signal from a Ferengi freighter, and we went to investigate. The whole thing sounded a bit suspect from the start, and almost as soon as we got there we were ambushed by Klingons. They attacked us, crippled us, then boarded the ship." She turned to face Loraya, a humourless smile on her delicate features. "Sound familiar?" She shrugged, and began pacing idly as she carried on the story. "Anyway, they finally teleported back to their own ship - with our captain as hostage. They cloaked instantly, preventing us from finding them, then contacted us with demands."

"What did they want?"

Lydana struggled to recall that. It had happened - or felt like it happened - a long time ago.

"Um...fleet and ship deployments, secure information. Stuff that they could use to cause a lot of damage. They threatened us with Captain Taggart's execution if we didn't comply, but still, as Starfleet officers, we had a duty to refuse. They tried to get Taggart to convince us, but..."

She stopped short, closing her eyes as the emotion of that moment hit her in a rush - the agonising tension as he gave her command of the ship, the flare of defiance they all felt as he ordered her to lock on to his commbadge and fire torpedoes. She had felt an almost sympathetic pain as she watched the Klingon captain stab Taggart in the gut, felt her heart twist as he breathed his last words.

 _"Make...me...proud,"_ he'd rasped, before finally succumbing to his fatal wound. With a lump in her throat and eyes full of rage she'd ordered a full volley of torpedoes, and she'd almost cheered when she saw the damage the attack wrought upon the enemy vessel.

"He gave me command," she continued, not bothering to fight her fresh tears, "then ordered us to fire on his position."

"A noble sacrifice," Loraya offered, respecting the actions of the officer she'd never met.

"It was stupid!" Lydana snapped, despite the fact she didn't believe that for a second. "He had no _right_ giving me, a cadet fresh out of the Academy, command and responsibility for two hundred people!" She began crying again, overwhelmed by all that she'd had to endure since that day. "I'm out of my depth, Centurion-"

"Loraya, please," the Romulan corrected, standing to offer comfort to her counterpart.

"I don't...I...I'm not good enough to command, Loraya," she said through her tears, and the taller woman pulled her into a consoling embrace.

"I may not have been here for the duration, but I'd say you've done a fine job, myself."

Lydana scoffed again, the sound muted against Loraya's shoulder.

"It's true. You fought back against a superior force, refused to allow your ship or crew to be taken for their plans and held out long enough for reinforcements to arrive - with a ship that belongs in a museum, no less!"

Loraya was glad when Lydana shuddered with weak laughter for once, and she let go of the younger officer.

"You've done extremely well, Lydana. I pray I never find myself meeting you as an enemy."

"How about meeting again as friends?" Lydana dared, and was rewarded with another of the Romulan's warm smiles.

"Now _that_ is an agreeable prospect," she chuckled. "Come. Let us see what we can do about getting you home."

* * *

It took several days for the _Steadfast_ to be repaired enough to even reach full impulse, but as soon as that was achieved they got underway, a course set for Earth Spacedock. The _Leucosia_ flew ahead of it, the massive _Ha'apax_ -class warbirds _T'alosa_ and _Daedalus_ flew at its port and starboard. Much to the chagrin of all captains involved, the _D'kala_ escaped justice, cloaking and jumping to warp before it could be destroyed. Loraya had passed it's details to the Romulan flotilla, so that they could keep a watch for it if it should ever show up again.

As they made their slow flight towards Earth, another Starfleet vessel, the _Sovereign_ -class USS _King George_ , arrived in response to Lydana's distress call. There had almost been a diplomatic incident, until Lydana had found a working viewscreen and proven to the _King George_ 's captain that her Romulan escorts were _not_ the Romulans responsible for her ship's condition. He had relented, and eventually stood down his red alert status, before offering to tow the _Steadfast_ back to Earth at warp speed.

Bizarrely, Lydana had refused, politely of course. She couldn't fathom why, but it meant a lot to her that her ship made it back home under her own power. The other captain smiled in understanding, finally bid her farewell and disappeared at warp speed, to find another mission now that a fellow officer was no longer in peril.

Lydana also took the opportunity to write her own report, breaking down into fits of crying on three separate occasions - mainly as she listed the dead, including several classmates and Yatsai, who she'd only just begun to form a bond with. Once she'd sent the report, she'd expected a response from Admiral Quinn - however, in the weeks that followed, none was forthcoming.

With help from the Romulans, they eventually managed to reach Warp 3. Not a particularly great speed, but better than impulse only, although Zarva and her team confirmed that would be all they'd get for the duration.

At long last, after over a week at Warp 3 (and narrowly avoiding a failure of the inertial dampeners, as well as a potentially catastrophic warp core fluctuation) the aging ship limped back into the space around Earth Spacedock, the Romulan ships peeling away to allow _Steadfast_ clearance to make it home.

It amused Lydana no end that almost as soon as their ship entered the dock's sensor perimeter, its engines failed entirely, and she slid into the dock's tractor range on nothing but momentum and manoeuvring thrusters.

* * *

Lydana stood nervously to attention outside of Admiral Quinn's office, fiddling with her commbadge for the sake of adjusting _something_. She'd been called to see the Admiral almost the second the _Steadfast_ was docked, and she'd disappeared to her ready room to have a brief panic attack as she said a hurried good-bye to the career she'd never have.

"What do you think he wants?" asked Elisa shakily, for what her First Officer counted as the fifth time in a ten-minute period.

"Probably to go over your report and debrief you," Elisa replied, for the same amount of times. Not that she didn't understand Lydana's nerves; the younger woman may have had chance to shower and replicate a new uniform, but her scars - both physical and mental - were still painfully fresh. Their ship's counsellor was among the dead, and so the young Bajoran had suffered in silence, despite insistence from Elisa and her newest friend, Loraya.

"Well, I doubt I'll see you after this, Lise," Lydana said, her voice trembling with suppressed sorrow. "So...thank you. For everything you ever did for me."

"Don't be like that, Lyddie," Elisa admonished, "I'm sure it's just-"

"Lieutenant Lydana, the Admiral will see you now," Quinn's Adjutant announced, and Lydana paused at the woman's side for a moment.

"It's Lieutenant _Kassai_ ," she corrected firmly. "I'm Bajoran." She left that hanging as the only explanation, before finally walking into the Admiral's office to face her fate.

"It's...quite a story here, Lieutenant," Quinn stated without inflection.

"Yes, sir," was all Lydana could manage under his analysing gaze, his impassive features giving away nothing of his thoughts.

"Well? Did you uncover what was going on?"

"With a little assistance from my Romulan allies, sir, I did." She swallowed, trying to bury the lump in her throat, while simultaneously trying to marshall her breathing into a steady rhythm again. "The _DaVinci_ had been attacked by the Tal Shiar, several of whom had stolen a Starfleet _Akira_ -class escort. The plan was to seize one of our ships - the escort - and use it to attack more of them, while dressed in the uniform of the Romulan _Republic._ Eventually we would respond to them in force, cripple their ship, and upon interrogating any captives or survivors we would lay blame with the Republic for the attacks."

"And thus destroying our alliance with them, leaving the Republic weakened by the loss of its new allies," Quinn finished, and Lydana gave a choppy nod.

"Just so, sir. Unfortunately they didn't plan on the Klingons being so bold about operating in our space, and they became prey for the Empire instead."

"Which was when you discovered this distress signal, which led to your ship being attacked by another Tal Shiar warship." It was a statement, not a question, and Lydana choked on the emotional surge as she nodded again.

"I see."

Quinn scanned the last few lines of the Lieutenant's report, before laying the PADD on his desk and leaning towards the young officer, his hands clasped in front of him.

"You seem apprehensive, Lieutenant. May I ask why?"

Lydana swallowed nervously again, her voice cracking as she spoke - a fact which she was beginning to tire of.

"Sir, I...despite finding what happened with the _DaVinci_ , I failed you, sir. I failed my crew, I failed my trainers...I failed Captain Taggart. I don't deserve to command my own ship, and if you deem it necessary I am willing to resign from Starfleet."

For the first time since she entered his office, Admiral Quinn allowed emotion to cross his features - a look of confused horror, that such a young and promising officer would be so dismissive of herself.

"Lieutenant...let me tell you now, no such thing is going to happen."

"Sir?"

"I also received another report, from one Centurion Loraya S'Vae, citing your bravery in the face of extreme adversity and your willingness to stand up to what she personally called 'the tyranny of the Tal Shiar and the Star Empire'. Not to mention the reports of Ensign Flores, Ensign Zarva, and a handful of other members of your crew, who cite your own defiance as the source of their courage to continue fighting. These...are not remarks made about an officer I would consider to have failed."

Lydana's jaw worked silently, stunned as she was by the shock of finding out that, after everything, her crew still respected her - perhaps even more than they did before.

"To that end," Quinn added, before she could gather her thoughts, "I am adding a commendation for valour to your file. Also, given the...shall we say, lamentable state of the _Steadfast_ , after a period of rest and recuperation, I am afraid you and your crew will be reassigned to new ships."

That certainly brought a reaction to Lydana's features - her pain and anguish was clear at the prospect of losing the few close people she had left, due to a reassignment - something else she felt she could blame herself for.

"I think it only appropriate after all your crew have been through, to give you some much-needed time off," he continued. "Perhaps you would like to go home, to Bajor, for a little while? See the family?"

"I...that is...yes, sir, but...reassignment?"

"Yes, that is what I said, Lieutenant. And, in light of your own...personal doubts, I am offering you a choice."

"A choice?" Lydana was still struggling with the concept of 'reassignment', and the fear of not having Elisa as her First Officer.

"Indeed." Admiral Quinn picked up another PADD from his desk, looking over the information before speaking again. "DS9 is apparently needing a new medical officer. A good place for you to further your medical training, and it'd be close to home?"

Lydana squirmed a little, uncomfortable about everything that was happening.

"With respect, sir...I joined Starfleet to see what else there was _besides_ Bajor," she said awkwardly. "I love my home, but-"

"Very well then," he responded, smiling. He scrolled the information again. "How about a Science position on the _Galileo_? _Nova_ -cless, quite modern, researching and analysing some strange anomalies in the Azure Nebula?"

Lydana fought to stop herself from shuffling nervously, but she couldn't tell why. A _Nova_ -class ship was an ideal posting her, and she'd have the opportunity to really put her science training to use, maybe gain some really valuable experience.

And yet, something else nagged at her. Something she couldn't place, but which she had somehow made evident anyway.

Quinn raised his eyebrows and scrolled the information on the PADD again.

"No? Hm. Well, how about this then?"

He handed the PADD to her, and she took it nervously. Her eyes widened as she read the text, then read it again to be certain.

"Are you sure, sir?"

Quinn nodded, smiling broadly at her.

"Unlike the _Steadfast_ , the _DaVinci_ can and will be repaired. When she returns to service, she'll need a fresh crew...and a captain who respects her scientific heritage, but who is not afraid to stand in harm's way when it calls."

"But...I don't think that's me, sir."

"Well I do, and those are your only options. You don't want to be fixed in place, which I can respect, and you don't fancy the science officer's slot on the _Galileo_ , which tells me that despite your concerns you've developed a taste for command. You _want_ this ship, and I am offering it to you. I'll even let you choose your First Officer."

"Ensign Flores," Lydana said, fighting the urge to grin. "Give me Flores, and I'll take the old girl off your hands, sir."

"It's a done deal, Lieutenant," Quinn beamed, before standing and offering his hand to the young officer. "Also...never doubt your worth. I gave you _Steadfast_ in the belief that the Captain's who commended you before were right. I'm giving you the _DaVinci_ because you've _proven_ they were. Be safe, Lydana."

The young Bajoran fought fresh tears - this time tears of joy - as she shook the admiral's hand.

"Thank you, sir," she croaked, before clearing her throat. "I'll do you proud."

"I don't doubt it," he replied. "Now get out there and make a name for yourself. There are plenty more ships that need an officer like you commanding them. Dismissed."

For the first time since inheriting a command she never asked for, Lieutenant Kassai Lydana felt...happy. Instead of being thrown in at the deep end, she'd _earned_ this command...but she would never forget the blood it cost.

She wouldn't understand for some time just how much those events had changed her, matured her, but neither could she have predicted how her career would eventually play out.

Instead, she spent some time with her close friend and First Officer, before making her plans for her enforced shore leave. There would be time enough to face those trials again. For now, she was just glad to be alive.


End file.
